03 December 2011

Don't Stop Now; Play the Whole Thing

I was listening to Genesis while Mini was getting dressed and packing things in the other room. I didn't stop her. She left quietly and without saying anything. I thought she would take more things but it seems its just her laptop and a bag or two of clothes. There's nothing one can do. I'm in her head just floating around like a helpless virus, walking from room to room, some chambers are random zones of anxiety and paranoia, they have their own realms and by walking in, the thought which is me, instantly is adopted and becomes part of that anxiety and paranoia that is after all just a theory not a fact. But fed back to the mainframe, its felt and so its real. And the real me, outside of her head becomes a testament of the thought of me--We become one and the same. And so for no other reason than that the thought of me is at the wrong place at the wrong time, the real me bothers her.

As much as I care, I'm not going to hold on or hold her back from whichever which way she chooses to go. With me, she may come and go as she pleases. While listening to Selling England by the Pound for the first time, I heard a few moments that I wanted to replay and hear it again because they were really good. But I didn't, I'm letting the album play out completely; so that I may experience it in its fullness and not attach myself to one specific point. I loved those points of Selling England by the Pound the same way that I love Mini but love isn't to be influenced by fear. I can't fear that I won't love Mini if she isn't with me or that I won't be who I know myself and love myself to be without her. If she doesn't feel the same, then maybe she should leave and discover for herself what can cause the removal of such a distracting fear.

Everything Mini makes me feel is a song in a full length masterpiece album that began when we met and will end when we play out the full extend of our social interaction or relationship. I don't want to stop the record and repeat any of the songs or song segments, I want them to pass through me and in doing so, a unified, uninterrupted experience will mark the evidence of quality, the reflection of all the emotions and stimulations that emerged from our album, can be measured as a whole. Rather than focusing on specific parts and attributing to them weight that can never fully match the album as a whole.

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